


Malchik Gay

by setaxis



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: AU, Jongin wants to lick them, M/M, Tattoos, did I mention Chanyeol has tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 07:44:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3601947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/setaxis/pseuds/setaxis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Music student and punk Chanyeol has been an unlikely fan of Kai's since his debut in dance Kpop group SKY. He never thought he'd get to meet Kai though, let alone be anything more to him. One fansign changes both of those things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Malchik Gay

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from a Tatu song *hides*

  
Chanyeol has been a fan of SKY since their debut. He’s not usually into boy bands but ever since his sister had forced him into watching their debut stage he’d been a hardcore Skylark. At first he hadn’t been too interested. Boy bands all seemed the same to him and frankly, the three guys in front of him, while handsome, hadn’t really been anything except the next group of talentless pretty boys.

Then they’d stepped up to the stage and everything Chanyeol had thought was turned on its head. These guys could _dance_. Every movement fluid and precise, in sync and beautiful. It was amazing.

He can’t help it. He watches the whole thing, spellbound, more intensely than his sister is even – but he can’t look away. He can’t even remember if he blinked. His eyes are glued to the screen – and more specifically the guy directly centre stage.

God, he’s gorgeous. Long, lithe legs. Full, plush lips drawn into a sensual smirk that has Chanyeol’s heart racing. But more than anything, it’s the way he moves. It’s not to say the other two aren’t great dancers – far from it – but Kai is different. Kai takes it to a whole other level. Everything is perfect, from his expression to the extra flourishes he puts in the others don’t. Simply perfect.

Chanyeol becomes a Kai stan that day and never looks back.

Xxx

Now, Chanyeol knows he isn’t SKY’s target audience. He’s a one hundred and eighty four centimetre tall man with piercings, tattoos, and a love for acoustic guitar music – basically as far from the intended listener as possible. The exact opposite.

He doesn’t go to concerts. He doesn’t go to fansigns either, just placates himself with fansite pictures and accounts to get his fix (more often than he would to admit). He wants to go. He would love to see them perform live because he just knows they'll be even better, but he's a bit embarrassed - not of his love of SKY, all his friends know about that but of the way he looks compared to SKY's usual fans.

He knows this isn’t considered “normal” for a man of his age. Most of his friends don’t understand. Kyungsoo, his pint sized compatriot, definitely does not understand but at least he has the decency not to mock him for it. (Unlike one Byun Baekhyun. Arsehole.) In fact, Chanyeol would probably have never met his idol at all if it hadn’t been for Kyungsoo and his evil scheming heart. Oh yes. Chanyeol owes Kyungsoo a lot. And Kyungsoo will never let him forget it.

Xxx

It happens like this:

Kyungsoo likes making bets, but only bets he knows he’s going to win. (Not that he likes everyone else knowing this, so sometimes he takes a small loss to keep the game running. It’s genius really.) So when Chanyeol, drunk off his tits, claims that he is _the assolute, goddam besht_ at beer pong, a plan hatches in Kyungsoo’s brain immediately.

“You’re on.” He says.

He knows that Chanyeol will agree a) because he’s already off his face and his judgement is severely impaired right now b) Kyungsoo’s tolerance for beer is shockingly low and c) Kyungsoo has never played beer pong in his life. He can practically see the cogs in Chanyeol’s brain turning.

“You’re on!” He slurs. “Les get ponged!”

Kyungsoo hides his inner smirk. He’s so glad he kept his national-level table tennis champion status under wraps. It was going to make this even sweeter.

He loses the first round just to make Chanyeol feel better. He isn’t heartless, afterall. Then Kyungsoo proceeds to slamdunk the next five balls straight into Chanyeol's cups. He would have gone for the sixth too, if Chanyeol hadn’t chosen that moment to pass out.

In the background he hears Baekhyun whisper to Chen, “Remind me never to get on Soo’s good side.”

“Shouldn’t it be bad side?” Chen whispers back.

“Chanyeol has never been on Soo’s bad side and now he’s eating carpet. I’ll stay away from all his sides, thanks.”

Kyungsoo curses inwardly. Two less people willing to partake in his bets. Oh well. Their day will come. For now he satisfies himself with peeling Chanyeol off the floor and dumping him in Baekhyun’s bed (serves him right, the arsehole). He writes a post-it note with the outcome of their bet and Chanyeol’s forfeit and sticks in on Chanyeol’s forehead.  Mission accomplished.

The next morning Chanyeol wakes to a pounding headache and a strange, itchy feeling on his forehead. He bats at it pathetically before a yellow square drifts in front of his face. He picks it up gingerly. He doesn’t remember much about last night, which probably means this is from Soo to tell him exactly how much of an idiot he is.

His vision is still a little blurry – he’s hanging like the gardens of Babylon right now and he doesn’t have his glasses, so sue him – but slowly the words swim into focus.

_We made a bet last night. You lost._

_Attend a SKY fansign, get a CD signed by one of the members, and take a selca with one of the members._

_Do it, or I tell everyone about the time with the hash brownies and the ferrets._

_Do Kyungsoo._

_Well fuck._ Chanyeol thinks. Then, _I’m going to meet Kai. **Double fuck.**_

Xxx

There’s a guy at the fan sign. As soon as he spots him Sehun is nudging Jongin with his elbow and pointing with his head. It’s not exactly hard to miss – the guy is at least a head taller than anybody else in the room (Jongin and Sehun notwithstanding). He seems uncomfortable and Jongin wonders idly if he’s here as a joke, or a lost bet. The beanie he’s got pulled over his hair is doing nothing to hide the eye brow piercing or snakebites and he doesn’t look anything like their usual fans. Also, he’s wearing a beanie and a large grey knitted scarf even though they’re indoors and it’s really not that cold. That kinda looks a bit odd too.

The guy approaches the signing bench shyly. Out of the sleeves of his long sleeved black shirt Jongin can see the tendrils of tattoos curling upwards and _holy fuck this guy is even hotter up close_. Jongin squeezes his thighs together. He cannot afford to get hard right now. He puts on his professional smile and looks up at Punk Guy.

Staring back at him are wide open eyes. There’s almost more white than pupil and Jongin is a little shaken at how _pretty_ they are.

“Hi.” The guy says. His voice is much deeper than Jongin expects from the guy’s pretty face and it sends a tremor down Jongin’s spine. He squeezes his thighs together harder. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Sehun watching him with amusement and he knows he’s in for the teasing of his life later.

“Hi.” Jongin says back.

“I’m a really big fan.” Punk Guy says, smiling sheepishly. His teeth are really white and straight and the snakebites stand out starkly against them.

“Thank you.” Jongin smiles back.

“You’re amazing.” The guy breathes. Then he realises what he’s said, blushes up to his ears and stammers. “All of you, I mean. You’re all amazing.”

Jongin can’t help it. He stares up at the guy, this tough looking guy with his piercings and tattoos, looking all embarrassed like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar and he _giggles_. Straight up giggles like a school girl. It’s so _embarrassing._

Punk Guy looks delighted to make him laugh though. His smile gets even bigger and cuter, if that were possible.

“What’s your name?” He stops just in time not to add ‘cutie’ to the end of that sentence. That would have been a PR nightmare. _”SKY’s Kai flirts with tattooed man at fansign.”_ His manager would kill him.

“Park Chanyeol.”

Jongin takes the CD offered – it’s a limited edition release of their second album, the one they released just after SKY started to gain momentum, the one only really hardcore fans have – and uncaps the marker with his teeth. Chanyeol swallows hard and Jongin is irrationally pleased.

“Park Chanyeol…” He repeats as he writes his message in his best handwriting. “Thank you for coming.”

He hands the CD back with a genuine smile. One he doesn’t think he’s used on a fan in a long, long time.

“My pleasure.” Park Chanyeol replies in that deep baritone of his and Jongin’s thighs squeeze together so hard his knees will have bruises tomorrow.

Then Chanyeol is moving down the line to Sehun. Jongin snaps out of it. Rest of fansign to get through, thank you very much. He can’t be distracted by thoughts of snakebite kisses right now. There’ll be time for that later.

Xxx

Chanyeol is on cloud nine. He’s so happy Kyungsoo blackmailed him into going to the fansign because not only did he meet Kai, Kai had _smiled_ at him. Kai had _laughed_. God, he was even more beautiful in person.

He holds up his signed copy of _BREATHLESS_.

__**Punk Chanyeol,  
** I hope to see you at more of my – our – events soon.  
Kai. 

It takes every think Chanyeol has not to squeal. He hugs the CD to his chest and sighs dramatically. Kai hopes to see him soon. This is the best day of his life.

Xxx

 “Sooo.” Sehun drawls as soon as they’re in the van. “That guy huh.”

Jongin scowls at him. “Shut up.”

“I thought he was cute.” Yixing mumbles from where he’s half-passed out on the backseat.

Sehun rolls his eyes. “Yes, well we all know about your tattoo fetish thank you Xing-ge.”

“If only he weren’t wearing long sleeves.” Yixing sighs dreamily. Jongin feels bizarrely possessive at that because if anyone’s going to be seeing Punk Chanyeol’s tattoos it’s going to be him, thank you very much.

Sehun is looking at him with a devious expression. This is never a good look on Sehun. “Maybe he’ll come to the next fanmeeting.”

“He won’t be at the next fan meeting.” Jongin replies a little sourly. _And even if he were, I wouldn’t be able to do any of the things I really want to do to him._

Sehun just shrugs nonchalantly and wiggles down in his seat as if to go to sleep. “You never know.” He says. (And for a minute Jongin has the terrible feeling he said the second bit out loud, but Sehun looks far too uninterested for that to be the case – for some bizarre and unknown reason he has made it his life’s mission to find out all Jongin’s kinks. Jongin doesn’t want to know why.)

“Yeah.” He replies. “You never know.”

Xxx

Punk Chanyeol is not at their next fansign (and Jongin is definitely not disappointed, nope, no sirree) but he is at the one after that. He’s wearing long sleeves again which is disappointing (for Yixing too, judging by his sigh) but it’s a scoop neck this time, white, and open at the throat. Which means it shows off the set of black musical staves and notes that crawl up his collarbones and spiral round his throat before breaking apart in a scattering of quavers around his Adam’s apple. Jongin has to bite his lip to stop himself from whimpering out loud. Beside him Yixing actually groans and covers it up with a cough. Sehun just looks smugly amused at the whole thing. Bastard.

“Hi.” Chanyeol says, hands in his pockets. He looks shy and way too cute for a man with probably half his body covered in inkings.

“Hi.” Jongin replies. He knows he’s smiling a little goofily because Sehun’s elbowing him in the ribs shortly after as a warning.

Chanyeol pulls a photocard out of his pocket and holds it out towards Jongin. It’s one from their first album he can tell already from the colour scheme. God, this guy really is a fan isn’t he? Then he sees the terrible hair (why the corn rows, why?) and knows it’s his. His face heats up.

He takes the photocard out of Punk Chanyeol’s hand and their fingers brush a little. Chanyeol’s fingers are dry and a little calloused. He doesn’t know why he does it. This really is all kinds of stupid but one look at Punk Chanyeol’s goofy smile is enough to persuade him it’s worth the risk.

“Don’t look at it until you leave, okay?” He whispers low enough only for Chanyeol and the other two members of his band to hear. Chanyeol’s (and Sehun’s) eyebrows shoot upwards, but he nods.

“Thank you.” He says before he leaves, smiling that beautiful, wide, goofy grin again. Jongin wants to bang his forehead against the table repeatedly. He’s so fucked.

Xxx

Two days later Jongin receives a text. He’s expecting it to be Sehun with another selfie attached, or Yixing sending him pictures of cats again, but it isn’t.

To: Kim Fit  
From: Unknown Number

Hi. It’s Chanyeol, from the fansign. I was the one with the tattoos

To: Punk Chanyeol  
From: Kim Fit

 Hi Chanyeol. Nice 2 hear from u ^^

To: Kim Fit  
From: Punk Chanyeol

Im soorryyy >_<;;;; I wasnt the one to send that last text it was my friend!! I was going to text you but he stole my fone b4 I could!! D:

Jongin can’t help but laugh – Chanyeol texts like a teenage girl, all emoticons and exclamation marks. Just when he thought the guy couldn’t get any cuter.

To: Punk Chanyeol  
From: Kim Fit

its okay. I have friends who like 2 stick their noses in 2. what r u doin today?

To: Kim Fit  
From: Punk Chanyeol

Just classes ^^ music composition today which is my fav tho!! :D :D :D then going out with my friends for drinks!! U?

Jongin smiles to himself as he types out a reply. He honestly isn’t doing anything interesting today – a couple of interviews, he’s not even going to get to dance – but the way Chanyeol asks as if Jongin were just another friend going about his day makes Jongin feel really stupidly happy.

 As he pockets his phone on the way to boring interview number one, he has a feeling this Punk Chanyeol thing is going to turn out alright after all.

Xxx

 The next couple of months they text each other almost non-stop. Jongin is expecting Chanyeol to get bored of him pretty quickly – he doesn’t really have a life outside work afterall – but he always seems interested in what Jongin has to say even if it’s about dancing (which he has been assured Chanyeol has been banned from attempting). In fact, Chanyeol remembers Jongin telling him dance moves and asks questions related to it like – “that move isnt it like that arabesque thing u were telling me about but the legs not as bent??”. In return Jongin learns all about Chanyeol’s friends – the tiny but dangerous best friend Do Kyungsoo, the loud and obnoxious Byun Baekhyun and the equally loud and only slightly less sassy Kim Jongdae (also known as Chen).

He can’t wait to talk to Chanyeol. He knows Sehun and Yixing have noticed how his face lights up every time he gets a message but thankfully they don’t say anything beyond some light teasing. He doesn’t know what he would do if they disapproved. He doesn’t want to stop texting Chanyeol and he hopes they never ask him to.

He knows it’s dangerous. More recently their texting has gone from the subtle flirting it was at the beginning to full out blatant ‘I would be down for sucking your dick’ type flirting. If a member of the press were to find out… Jongin doesn’t even want to start to imagine the backlash. But he still doesn’t want to stop – he really likes Chanyeol. He’s funny and smart and interested in Jongin as a person, not just a performing monkey. Oh, and he’s really, really hot. Has Jongin mentioned that? Because he is. Really. Smoking.

_(He may have sent Jongin some selfies. Jongin may have them saved to his phone. He may even have used the recent one where Chanyeol had a wife beater on and you could see his tattoos curling round his collarbones and shoulders to jack off to, but he will never, ever admit to it.)_

Which is why, against his better judgement, when he casually mentions that he has a day off coming up and then Chanyeol casually invites him over to his place to “hang out” Jongin says _yes_.

Xxx

Jongin can’t believe he’s about to do this. He’d got his manager to help him sneak out to go and see a guy he barely knows. (Four months of texting doesn’t count. Shouldn’t count.) What is wrong with him? There are a billion ways this could go wrong. What if Chanyeol sold him out? He doesn’t seem the type, but appearances can always be deceiving. Jongin knows. He’s in the business of it.

He’s a nervous wreck by the time he knocks on the door. He almost turns round and goes home but then Chanyeol opens the door with such a hopeful, earnest, happy look on his face that Jongin can’t help but want to stay. His snakebites are red tonight and he’s wearing a wife-beater with a neck low enough to give Yixing a run for his money. He looks unlawfully hot. Jongin wants to trace his tattoos with his tongue.

“Punk Chanyeol.” Jongin says.

“Jong-grin.” Chanyeol replies, his own grin wide and over-bright. “Welcome to my humble abode.”

They step inside. Chanyeol takes Jongin’s coat like a true gentlemen – bowing as he does so – and it makes Jongin giggle. His stupid unmanly giggle.

“I love your laugh.” Chanyeol confesses. “I used to trawl youtube for interviews where you laughed. Saved them in my favourites.”

Jongin is tongue-tied. That’s… kinda cute. In a creepy way. It’s nice to hear someone likes his laugh though.

“I’m sorry. That was creepy, wasn’t it?” Chanyeol’s ears are as red as his face. He’s not wearing a hat for once and Jongin can see the way they stick out from the side of his face, kinda like Yoda.

Jongin laughs again and nods. “I can forgive you. But only if you buy me dinner.”

“Aha!” Chanyeol cries dramatically. “Then how lucky that here’s one I prepared earlier!”

He leads Jongin through to the dining table. There’s two places set at the table with mismatched placemats and cutlery and glasses with watermelons printed on them.

“Sorry. I don’t have any others.” Chanyeol says sheepishly as he steers Jongin to a seat and pushes him down onto it. “I hope you like Kimchi Spaghetti.”

“Kimchi Spaghetti?” Jongin asks, amused.

Chanyeol hums as he focusses on transferring spaghetti from a pan on the stove into two (again, mismatched) bowls. “It’s my best friend’s special recipe. You have no idea how much this cost me, so you’d better like it.”

He places the steaming bowls down on the table and sits down himself. He fidgets nervously in his seat as he waits for Jongin to try it and it’s adorable – like a big kid.

“It’s good!” He says, surprised. It’s been so long that he’d last had a homecooked meal – properly, cooked from scratch not like the ramyun he’s used to consuming at home. He looks at it suspiciously. “Are you sure you made this? Sure Kyungsoo didn’t make it?”

“Of course I made it!” Chanyeol splutters indignantly. Jongin bursts out laughing at how petulant he looks. Really a big kid.

Once he’s calmed down enough to see clearly again he sees Chanyeol watching him with an unreadable smile on his face.

"What?" He asks, but Chanyeol shakes his head.

"Nothing." He says.

The rest of the meal is spent laughing and joking. They talk about everything and nothing and it's just as easy as it was when they were texting each other. Jongin has had the most fun he's had in a long time and when it comes time to leave he finds he really doesn't want to leave. He gets to the hall, near the door. Sort of. As he gets there he turns and sees Chanyeol standing there, looking adorable and shy and uncertain and oh god, what was he going to say again? All he wants to do is kiss him. And kiss him. And kiss him again.

"I should..." He starts.

"Yeah." Chanyeol says quickly. "Of course. You know, if you have to. I mean want to. I mean-"

Jongin tilts his head up and presses his lips to Chanyeol’s. The metal of his piercings is warm against Jongin’s mouth and his tongue darts out to taste them. Chanyeol whimpers. The sound goes straight to Jongin’s groin, making him wish he hadn’t borrowed Sehun’s jeans tonight because while they make his arse look _fantastic_ , they are way too tight to be comfortable right now.

Chanyeol’s arms wrap around Jongin’s waist and pull him closer until their chests are brushing. Jongin sighs happily. They stay like that for a while, tongues lazily dancing around one another, but Jongin’s dick is becoming painful in his pants and he’d really like to move this somewhere more… horizontal.

“Bedroom?” He pants out.

Chanyeol moans in agreement but refuses to let go of Jongin or stop kissing him so the way to the bedroom is more a weird version of a three legged race than anything else. They bash into walls, and stumble, and do more laughing than kissing but Jongin doesn’t care. It’s fun. He likes it.

Their clothes come off as they go – the shirt in the hall, trousers by the door to the bedroom, boxers just before they fall onto the bed together.

“God, you’re gorgeous.” Chanyeol breathes. Jongin has heard it before, many times before. All the time. His career is half based on how attractive he is – it’s kind of a given. But the way Chanyeol says it, like he really means it, like he has never seen anything so beautiful in his life – it makes Jongin blush all over. He suddenly feels shy.

Chanyeol leans down and presses his lips to Jongin’s collarbones. Then down to his chest. He flicks his tongue over Jongin’s left nipple and Jongin keens, desperate for more. But Chanyeol won’t rush. He continues pressing wet, open mouthed kisses to Jongin’s skin working past his nipples and his abs and the inside of his thighs.

It feels like worship. It feels dangerously close to love.

Gently Jongin fists his hands in Chanyeol’s hair to remind him of Jongin’s problem. He’s so hard he doesn’t think he could get any harder – until Chanyeol lets out a breathy moan at the gentle tug on his locks and Jongin isn’t sure there’s any blood anywhere in his body but his dick.

“Please, Chanyeol.” He begs. “Touch me already!”

“I thought I was…” Chanyeol murmurs against the skin of Jongin’s hip, causing a shudder to course through him.

Jongin pulls on his hair again, partly to tell him to stop fucking about and get on with it and partly to hear him moan. Chanyeol seems to get the hint. He lowers his mouth to Jongin’s cock slowly, inexorably slowly. Jongin curses him in between his moans and it makes Chanyeol laugh – a deep, warm rumble that envelopes Jongin’s dick, still in Chanyeol’s mouth. It feels so good Jongin’s spine arches off the bed and he lets out a tiny helpless whine.

 _Jesus fucking Christ._ Jongin’s feeling too turned on right now to feel ashamed by the way Chanyeol has him panting and begging but he’s still cognizant enough to realise how embarrassed he’s going to be later. He’s so _loud_ with Chanyeol. He almost doesn’t recognise his own voice it’s so hoarse from moaning Chanyeol’s name.

“I hate you.” He groans as Chanyeol’s tongue teases the slit at the top of Jongin’s dick. Chanyeol just hums in acknowledgement, a mischievous glimmer in his eyes, and Jongin is once again arching off the bed in pleasure.

He feels like a mess.  His hair is sticking to his forehead like it does after hours of dancing. He has no thoughts in his head save _ChanyeolChanyeolmoremoremoremoremore_ as Chanyeol bobs up and down his dick, mouth hot and wet and perfect.

“Ohgodohgod-” Jongin pants, “I’m so close Chanyeol please I want to come I need to come oh god god-”

Chanyeol gives one final suck and Jongin is gone. He comes down Chanyeol’s throat with a strangled cry and Chanyeol swallows all his release down. His pulls off Jongin’s cock with a wet pop. He wipes his mouth off with the palm of his hand before bring the same hand down to his own dick and tugging himself to completion in one, two swift strokes. He muffles his groan in Jongin’s mouth as he comes. Jongin can taste himself on Chanyeol’s tongue. It’s bitter.

“Wow.” Chanyeol breathes. Jongin lets out a laugh because that would be the first thing this goofy boy says after, wouldn’t it?

Chanyeol grabs something off the floor to wipe them clean (well, cleaner) and then tosses it somewhere back in his room. Jongin doesn’t note where – he’s too busy watching Chanyeol’s muscles flex under his tattoos causing them to ripple and shimmer. God, he’s beautiful. Before he can open his mouth to tell Chanyeol though he’s caught up in a bear hug and is laughing too hard to remember what he was going to say before.

“You’re dumb.” Jongin grins.

“The dumbest.” Chanyeol agrees sleepily as he cages Jongin in his arms and rolls them until they’re comfortably spooning on their sides. It’s warm and comfortable and for the first time in a very long time Jongin doesn’t fall asleep from exhaustion.

Xxx

Jongin wakes up at 6am out of habit. He’s wrapped up in Chanyeol’s warm, strong arms and those three seconds before he’s properly cognizant are honestly the happiest he’s been in a long time.

Then he wakes up.

Oh god. He slept with Punk Chanyeol. What the hell would he do if this came out? His family don’t even know he’s bi for the love of all things holy, how would they take it if pictures of him leaving a man’s apartment early in the morning were to be splashed all across the front pages of the newspapers?

They’d be so ashamed of him. He’d never be able to look his father in the eye again and his mother – his mother would be heartbroken.

Spending so much time with Yixing and Sehun, who unrepentantly don’t give a fuck about what the rest of the world thinks about their sexualities, makes it so easy for Jongin to forget how people would view him and Yixing and Sehun if they knew the truth. People like his parents. People like their fans. It makes him want to cry when he thinks of disappointing them like this.

He can’t stay here. He should never have been here in the first place. He feels wild with panic, like some reporter is going to jump out from behind the closet and blind him with the flash of their cameras at any moment. It’s ludicrous. Insane. His hands are shaking as he disentangles himself from a sleeping Chanyeol’s long limbs and slips out of the bed. He grabs his clothes from the floor and hastily pulls them on before rushing down the hall to his coat and his shoes. All the while the words _what have I done what have I done **what have I done**_ drone on and on in his head like a mantra. He has to get out of here as soon as he can before he fucks this up any further. The door slams behind him as he leaves and he cringes, hoping beyond hope that it hasn’t woken Chanyeol up.

He doesn’t leave a note. The only thing he can think to write on it would be too cliché for him to feel comfortable.

_I’m sorry._

_It’s not you, it’s me._

He reaches into the pocket of his jeans and calls his manager to pick him up.

Xxx

Chanyeol wakes up when Jongin slips out of the bed. He can hear him cursing under his breath – a monotonous stream of _fuckfuckfuckshitfuck_ that has his heart sinking in his chest. Jongin regrets sleeping with him. Of course. Chanyeol would be fool to think any different – Jongin has his career to think of and his bandmates, of course he would regret having sex with a man. And besides that, even if Jongin were to be completely comfortable with the idea of having a boyfriend, he’s an international superstar. Chanyeol is a student with a cupboard for an apartment and a barely positive bank balance. What could he offer Kai anyway?

He doesn’t stop Jongin leaving. Maybe he should have done – he doesn’t know – but he doesn’t. He just lies on his bed, listening to the sound of a man scrambling around to collect his belongings – a man so desperate to leave that he doesn’t even bother to put his coat on before sneaking out.

It hurts. It makes him feel used. It makes him feel ashamed.

He rings Kyungsoo. He doesn’t say much (the biggest indicator something was wrong, Soo’ll tell him later) just that Jongin had skipped out on him and within twenty minutes there’s a tiny devil-spawn at his door, ice cream and a copy of Tangled in hand. He takes one look at Chanyeol and bundles him up in his arms, dragging him down to the couch.

“Let it out, Channie.” He croons.

Chanyeol sniffles. Then weeps. He’s shoulders shake with the force of his tears and Kyungsoo holds him close until they stop, gentle hands rubbing circles on his back.

“I’m sorry.” Kyungsoo says eventually. “I made you go to that fansign.”

Chanyeol squeezes him tighter. “You didn’t make me flirt with him, Soo. Or take his number. Or sleep with him.”

“I know but-”

“But nothing.” Chanyeol cuts in. “I don’t blame you. I’m grateful I met him - even if it doesn’t seem like it right now - and if you dare apologise for pushing me to do something I would have been too chicken shit to do otherwise I’m going to squeeze you to death _right now_ , got it?”

Kyungsoo grins against Chanyeol’s shoulder. “Melted ice cream and Tangled then?”

“Melted?” Chanyeol pulls back, affronted.

“If you hadn’t have spent the last half an hour ruining my favourite t-shirt then it would have been solid.” Kyungsoo grumps.

“One, all your t-shirts look the same so how you have a favourite I really don’t know and two, I thought we were supposed to be cheering me up, so stop being mean to me!” Chanyeol whines. He accompanies it with his best puppy eyes, the ones that get the rather aged female librarian at the campus library to forget his library fines. Kyungsoo gives him a dead arm instead.

“Ow!”

“Serves you right, you ungrateful bitch. Be glad it wasn’t your balls this time.”

Chanyeol has the best best friend ever.

Xxx

When Jongin arrives back at the dorm, Sehun and Yixing are up and waiting for him. They are sprawled over each other on the sofa in the way that only Sehun and Yixing can – completely absorbed in whatever they’re doing and paying no attention to each other whatsoever, despite there being not a millimetre of space between them.

“Oh, Jonginnie.” Yixing says sadly as soon as he sees Jongin. Guess that means he looks worse than he thought. Sehun looks up from his phone immediately and seems to come to the same conclusion as Yixing has, judging by the way they pull him down onto the sofa with them into their tangle of limbs. Jongin stiffens.

“You don’t have to talk about it, loser.” Sehun whispers into his ear. “Just stop freaking out, let us comfort you for a bit and then you can go back to overthinking everything, okay?”

Sehun’s words are, honestly, not even a little bit comforting. However Yixing rubbing large circles onto his back is going some way to making him relax and soon he is lying pliant between his two crazy bandmates.

“He sucked me off.” He says quietly. “And then I snuck out the next morning and left him there and I regret it so much.”

“The sex or the sneaking out?” Yixing murmurs lowly.

“Both.” Jongin admits.

Sehun’s hand moves from his shoulder to stoke his hair and he leans into it, wanting the comfort.

“I didn’t even get to lick his tattoos.” He mumbles pathetically.

“You still could.” Yixing suggests. “Text him. Apologise.”

“What would I say?” Jongin huffs. “Sorry for being a coward and running out on you like you’re a whore, but could you let me lick you no strings attached?”

“I was going with tell him how you feel, but that works too.” Yixing deadpans.

Jongin crosses his arms and sinks lower into the sofa.

“You’ve got nothing to lose, Jonginnie.” Sehun reminds him. “You’ve already hurt his feelings, skipped out on him and treated him like he’s beneath you. What harm can an apology do at this point?”

“As always Sehun, you really have a way with words.” Jongin spits out but he’s reaching for his phone even as he says it. At the very least he does owe Chanyeol an apology.

Xxx

That same day Chanyeol receives a text from Kim Jonggrin. At first he doesn’t want to read it. He doesn’t want to know how Jongin is going to try and let him down gently but Kyungsoo threatens to read it at the top of his lungs if he doesn’t ‘man up and read the damn thing’ so he reads it.

 _Punk Chanyeol,_ It reads. _I’m sorry. I know that’s not enough but that’s all I can say. I freaked out. I thought about my parents and the fans and how they react if they knew and I panicked and ran away. It’s not an excuse I know but hopefully u can take it as an explanation of why I did what I did. Honestly those few minutes before I properly woke up were the happiest I’ve been in a long time and I messed it all up. I don’t know whether you can forgive me. To be honest I’m not sure I have the right to ask u to because I have nothing to offer u. I can’t promise I won’t freak out again. I can’t promise u a relationship. I wish I could. U r funny and kind and u r the best thing that’s happened to me since SKY. I wish I wasn’t such a coward. I’m sorry._

Chanyeol’s heart had been prepared. He knew Jongin wouldn’t be able to give him what he really wanted but it honestly doesn’t make the crushing feeling in his chest hurt any less. He hadn’t realised that there was still some part of him that had hoped, beyond all reason, that Jongin would choose him. Chanyeol has always been a fool.

“I think you’ve got a chance.” Kyungsoo says.

“What?” Chanyeol looks at him like he’s a madman. “Are you insane? He just sent me an essay on why he can’t be with me!”

“No, he sent you an essay saying how much he likes you and _wishes_ he could be with you. That’s not the same thing.” Kyungsoo grins.

“You’re insane.”

“No, listen. He says he can’t promise you anything, right? So don’t ask him to.” Kyungsoo says it like it’s the simplest thing in the world.

“And become his dirty secret?” Chanyeol asks, aghast.

Kyungsoo fixes him with a long stare. “Aren’t you already?”

Chanyeol falls silent, stunned. He doesn’t know what to say to that. Kyungsoo grabs his hands and shakes them.

“Channie, you really like this guy. You like him more than you’ve ever liked anyone so don’t give him up without a fight!”

“Okay.” Chanyeol breathes. “I’ll fight.”

Xxx

Jongin’s phone lights up. One new message. He opens it with shaking fingers.

To: Kim Jonggrin  
From: Punk Chanyeol

Okay, I understand. You can’t promise me anything. What if I don’t ask you to?

Jongin’s heart leaps in his throat.

“Can you read this for me?” He asks Sehun and Yixing. “Is he saying what I think he’s saying?”

Sehun and Yixing lean over his shoulders and read. There’s a pause.

“I think,” Yixing says quietly, “that you are a very lucky man.”

“ _I_ think,” Sehun adds after a few seconds, “that you should reply before I try to steal him from you.”

Jongin hits him over the head. He can’t stop the grin that stretches across his face though. He feels like happiness is bursting from every pore. He doesn’t know what the future will hold. He doesn’t know if (when) he’s going to freak out again, but he knows that he has found the most understanding, caring, gorgeous man to help him through it. He couldn’t ask for more.

Xxx  
To: Punk Chanyeol  
From: Kim Jonggrin

Then I would give you everything.  



End file.
